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from the Crow's beak

Friday, August 17, 2007

8:45PM - I've undeleted myself after all

Well, I had deleted my account here after I decided that I wanted to focus on real, non-virtual contact with Acutegirl and anyone else I've met in this community. Also, my relationship to Acutegirl, who was my first and main connection to this whole Livejournal experience, changed quite drastically just before she moved to Oakland for a spell.

But, alas, I've found myself logging in just to read her excellent prose and analysis of strange things, providing thoughtful perspective and a delightfully intelligent and entertaining voice about things I could never find anywhere else.

Since I've logged in a few times, and this last time in particular I really enjoyed what I glanced at (I don't have time to be truly 'stalkery' about it, to use a delightful word coined by that very same acute girl), I decided to undelete my account before it was too late, and to write a little blurb about where I'm am so you all know I'm here. I won't  force myself, but I'm sure I'll drop in and post a blog every now and then, and I'll try to be equitable about it and share as much as I take over time...

So, away we go...

Current mood: complacent

Sunday, June 17, 2007

5:26PM - weird stupor

I'm in a weird stupor today. I've been blazing in bliss with my relatively new "special friend" for three days straight, and suddenly I'm alone in my studio slowly, but surely, finding my own center again.

I wonder sometimes at just how quickly and deeply I'm capable of getting emotionally and physically close to someone; I wonder if it's healthy, if it's balanced, if it's OK. But then, when it comes down to it, all that doesn't really matter, because it's what flows naturally for me, and I don't think I could hold back if I tried when I have the opportunity to experience sharing at this level of intensity.

It's rare that I find someone who can match my own level of intensity in this way, and i can't imagine holding back and forcing myself to stay more detached or distant than it feels natural to feel.

OK, so I'm starting to see how writing my random thoughts in a blog like this can be cathartic. Maybe I'll make it into a habit. I only have one friend so far, who's the largely the object of this post, so I guess this particular post is for you. But a record is kept... It's funny how strange this all feels to me, a former newspaper writer who makes a living in digital communications. It's all so different when you point the camera at yourself.

beep beep

Current mood: lethargic

Thursday, June 7, 2007

7:32PM - first entry here

Wow, i used to write poetry and keep Black Books and think my life and experiences and perspective were worth recording, for the future, or for others to read, or for myself to read later and try to learn from... but several years ago i just stopped. I'm a web designer, and i frequently get paid to create blogs and bulletin boards for other writers, but i haven't done one of my own. I don't really know what to think of the ease with which we can all publish now.

But here are a few words, in case anyone is interested, and maybe when i'm in a strange mood late one night i'll write a few more. I've kind of forgotten the way this feels. There seems to be a fine line between purging emotional detritus and indulging in its sticky sweetness.

Current mood: exhausted